I always find myself wanting share something of the utmost significance with you, but alas, I only have me and who I am to offer...warts and all.  The more I am on this journey with Jesus, the more flawed and broken I find that I am.  However, I am also learning this is not a bad place to be, but exactly where He wants me.

:confession time:

Lately, without even realizing, I have been putting Jesus on a shelf, almost as if He were just an option or just another "thing" in my life.  Trust me, this is not an easy thing to admit...I love the Lord, but I feel as though He has been somewhat quiet lately and that deserves some attention and self-reflecting on my part.  The personal closeness and intimacy with Him seemed to be lacking, and the feeling of His realness in my life deprived.  Did I stop trusting Him...no, absolutely not.  Did I take Him for granted...sadly, yes.  I found many questions circling in my head, but in all of this, there was the underlying desire of wanting to know Him more, not wanting to settle for just a status quo relationship--not just as this mystic figure in history or someone I should believe in, but as a person, a friend, my King, my Savior (I know this seems like the basics but really its much deeper).  I want to know Jesus in a "face to face" kind of way, the kind of relationship where I need and want to be in some form of communication with Him every day.  You know?

Yesterday and today, I saw Him begin to answer the cry of my heart in small but meaningful ways.  Daniel and I went to church this morning, and man, was I hungry for some worship time with Him.  There is something amazing about gathering with others of the same heart and mind to worship.  The Spirit of the Lord was there this morning, I personally felt Him with me, and as I stood, sang, and listened to the words of the songs...all I could do was picture Jesus in all His humanity and all His glory.  What an amazing combination, He who has been tempted in all ways but without fault.  It brought tears to my eyes, because I know that He knows me, understands my heart, and loves me...warts and all.  That's amazing grace!

May this ring a cord within you and let you know that you are not alone in your journey of Christian humanity.  None of us are perfect, and praise God, He is not done refining and growing us!  What a great way for me start in the celebration of the season, and I am thankful for the realization and rekindling of a more intimate relationship with Jesus.  He is very real, He is the truth, and He does exist.

"My dear friends, you have always obeyed God when I was with you. It is even more important that you obey now while I am away from you. Keep on working to complete your salvation with fear and trembling, because God is working in you to help you want to do and be able to do what pleases him." ~Philippians 2:12-13

I was trying to decide what to call this particular blog, although trying to come up with something brilliant...then the only thing I could think of was "catching up"...probably because it has been a long long time since I have been on here and written.  Catching up is the only thing to do, but how in the world do I catch up on so much time, when so much has happened.  I mean, and not just little things, but life-changing things.  So, I'm going to do a mini-list, in a nutshell kinda thing...

Christmas, pregnancy, Daniel got his CDL, my Dad lost job, miscarriage, my Dad got another job, helping family, resigned from my job...I think those are the biggies.  There may be more, but those where what stuck in my head.

WHEW!!!

But in all of this, the one consistent thing in my life (or should I say our lives, because I know Daniel would agree) through hardship and blessing is the faithfulness of my Lord.

While thinking of catching up, I am also thinking of present circumstances.  I'm going to go on a bunny trail for a minutes, that just might end up being the entire center of my blog today.  Go figure.

So, have you ever had a period of days where you just think...could anything else go wrong?!  Yep. It's been that kind of week or so.

Going to get vulnerable here and share some very personal info.

With my resigning from my job (not due to any bad situations, just a personal decision based on many factors and prayers), the financial aspect of course has gotten tighter.  Not a big deal, because God is our provider, and I know that resigning and moving forward was what I needed to do.  Well, first I got sick with this really nasty stomach bug...I'll spare you the details.  Then, we had a mishap with our bank account (long story), which caused all finances to go down the tubes.  It overwithdrew our account and caused a bounced check for our rent, which caused rent to go up $50 for the month.  The savings got drained to cover the costs (money we had been saving for 4 months), and we had to cancel a trip.  Then Daniel had a really bad day at work on Tuesday...he works with trees and I'll leave at that.  Nothing was his fault, it just was a really bad day.  

So, what has God been teaching me through this?  It sounded like I was complaining above, and a few days ago I was...but now, I realize this is just an opportunity to grow.  God must love me a lot to not want me to stay where I'm at.  Seriously.  Think about it.

Mostly...growing my faith and trust in Him.  A continuous process. 

So, let's re-illustrate the above paragraph again and see how I see God's hand in every situation.

1)  Yes, I was sick.  What good is in that, you might ask.  My family poured love onto me, it forced me to rest, I lost some weight, I got my health back, and I didn't have to work at a job while sick.

2)  The finances.  God is providing.  This is no surprise to Him, He knew we would need that money we had saved up. 

3)  Bad day at work.  No one was hurt.  Insurance.  Daniel has a job.  He came home to me.

Romans 8:28 at work and continuing...a covenant promise.

The best part of this whole little testing time, I know that God is so very present in our circumstance.  I love it when He just makes himself know in a very tangible way.  I'm not talking about hearing an audible voice, but I am talking about when you read something in His Word or hear something from another person that just confirms that He hears you.  For me, it was these verses:

"…after he had patiently endured, he obtained the promise" (Hebrews 6:15).

"…weeping may endure for a night, but joy cometh in the morning" (Psalm
30:5).

Psalm 30:5 had been in my head all Tuesday.  I woke up to read it in a devotional on Wednesday morning.  Let me tell you...there were tears.  I knew at that moment, that God had heard me...and He loves me enough to let me know He did. 

It's like He just reached down and held me.  I felt so safe.

Today, my dear ones, know that God hears your heart and cares deeply.  He will provide.  Look for His hand in all situations, even what you perceive to be good and bad.  He will hold you.

Blessings!

"Everything Falls" by Fee

you said
you'd never leave or foresake me
when you said,
this life is gonna shake me
you said
this world is gonna bring trouble on my soul
this i know

when everything falls apart
your arms hold me together
when everything falls apart
your the only hope for this heart
when everything falls apart
and my strength is gone
i find you mighty and strong
you keep holding on
you keep holding on

when i see
the darkness all around me
when i see
the tragedy has found me
i still believe
your faithful arms will never let me go
and still i know

when everything falls apart
your arms hold me together
when everything falls apart
your the only hope for this heart
when everything falls apart
and my strength is gone
i find you mighty and strong
you keep holding on
you keep holding on

sorrow willl last for the night
but hope is rising with the sun
(its rising with the sun)
there will be storms in this life
but i know you will overcome
but i know you will overcome

when everything falls apart
your arms hold me together
when everything falls apart
your the only hope for this heart
when everything falls apart
and my strength is gone
i find you mighty and strong
you keep holding on

when everything falls apart
your arms hold me together
when everything falls apart
your the only hope for this heart
when everything falls apart
and my strength is gone
i find you mighty and strong
you keep holding on
you keep holding on

Hello from the beautiful precipice of the Blue Ridge Mountains.  Daniel and I are visiting my mom and dad's house in Monroe, VA, and it has been a breath of fresh air...literally.  Yesterday we arrived to the warm wind and sunshine.  I cannot even begin to explain what it feels like to stand on the back deck or even on the front lawn, and you can look to the left and see the mountains.  One word, gorgeous.  I took my dogs outside and just stood in the breeze, watched the trees bend, and couldn't help but be completely at worship and peace in my soul.  Just one deep breath and inhaling the fresh fall smells...and the world just seemed to melt away.  If I could find a way to share this with you other than just through words and pictures I would in a heartbeat, it was that wonderful.

Nature I believe is one of God's most glorious creations, other than us of course.   Creation in nature just worships God without thought...it just is what it has been created to be.  It obeys without argument, it is nourished without worry, it is at peace in the storm, and it is beautiful without striving.  Not to mention the fact that God uses it to minister to us in a way that not many other things can.  Think about it for a minute.  Why do most people travel on vacation to places of such splendor like Yellowstone National Park, the Mediterranean Sea, the Rainforests of South America...I mean---the list is endless, including some of our own "backyards".  All because of what God Almighty, the Lord of Hosts has created for us to enjoy...it is magnificent.      

The heavens proclaim the glory of God.
      The skies display his craftsmanship.
 Day after day they continue to speak;
      night after night they make him known.
 They speak without a sound or word;
      their voice is never heard.
 Yet their message has gone throughout the earth,
      and their words to all the world.

 ~Psalm 19:1-4

Enjoy the sunshine today...think of the Son.  Feel the wind on your face...think of the Holy Spirit.  Take in the beautiful creation...think of the Father.  Worship Him.  Love to you all!